nudatlogit

I wrote this in my creative writing class. The prompt was to write a memoir piece in second person. I find it very powerful and wanted to share.

Highschool

Walking through the halls of your high school, as a senior, thoughts race through your mind. You study the faces of friends you used to be close with; you make that quick eye contact with them and give them a faint smile, but by the time they look away your smile was too late. You wonder whatever happened between all these people you USED to be friends with, there are so many memories shared between you and that person, how do they just forget and act like a stranger?

Occasionally you over hear bits and pieces of other peoples conversations. You’re not intentionally eaves-dropping, your ears just catch on because you’re walking alone and you have no one else to listen to. Often times you hear your name, maybe because you’re best friend Beth decided to get your attention from three ramps up, or maybe it’s because you go to a school where people choose to be caddy and decide that the right time to gossip about you is when they are a foot behind you and walking in the same direction as you.

Sometimes you just hold your head down to the ground and watch your feet as they just sluggishly move along with the motions of the day. You worry, and you ponder. You worry about your brother, and if he is being bullied. Then questions start racing through your head faster than your brain can even process one answer or one command; STOP OVERTHINKING. But you’re just a stressed out teen and sometimes you need to ask questions… right?

While you’re asking yourself question after question about whether or not your brother is safe, and if he happy or sad, and if he actually was upset would he tell you? You worry about your mother. You get frustrated with all the reasons why she isn’t fit to be a mother, and you ask yourself more questions as to why you were stuck with a mom like her? But then you realize that you can’t change people, and you love your mom to the moon and back. Your mom is your best friend. You tell her everything, and you trust her with the world. There is nothing hidden from your mother. You just wish that when you moved out and into your grandparents house, that your mother would’ve missed you a little bit more, called you a few more times, you wish she would’ve made an effort, and no matter how much you want to hate her, you can’t. You can’t hate her because she gave you life; and in your case, she showed you exactly what not to do for when you grow up and have a life of your own.

You only have five minutes in between classes, and sometimes while walking from class to class, you have to take a quick pitstop into the bathroom so that other people in the hallway won’t see you cry. You’re only crying because you received a phone call last night from your biological father out of the blue. He told you he was dying, and you couldn’t help but think to yourself what you were going to do without him; but you realize that he hasn’t been in your life at all. He has three different kids with three different woman. You make more of an effort to be in his pathetic life than he makes to be in yours. This is what hurts you the most, is knowing that a man who could’ve been a great dad took the wrong path and decided to let child after child down. All you ever wanted was to be a daddys girl, to have someone interrogate your boyfriends before they take you out on dates, to go to father daughter dances, and to just know what it felt like to have a father. This man was no where to be found in your seventeen years of living except the occasional dinner that you would attempt to set up with him just so you knew who he was, and he calls you to let you know he’s dying. You don’t know what emotion to feel, your face becomes red hot with anger, but your heart feels like it was stabbed, you suddenly realize that you can’t breathe and that the bell is going to ring. You look at yourself in the mirror and reassure yourself that everything will be okay. You may be lying to yourself, but you do what you can to keep yourself going.

You check your phone and see that you have a text from your mother asking if you can pick up your little brother from school. This stresses you out because you work at three, but you pick your brother up anyway just so you get to see him. He is your only family, you raised him and you adore him. Everyone else has left and emotionally abandoned you. Even your grandparents are distant from you and you live with them. You feel like you are just a roommate renting out their basement. It’s truly amazing to think that you are surrounded by so many people, yet you feel so alone. You think about the hate letters your very own grandmother has just left on your bed for you to come home to, or the emails she leaves up on the computer for you to see, or the phone calls where she positions herself just right so that you can hear her. The emails and phone calls are full of her gossiping about how she can’t wait for you to leave, or how wretched and painstaking it is for her to have you living with her. You can’t help but think about how evil and conniving she is. Your mother always tells you that is just the kind of person that your grandmother is and she isn’t going to change. Your mother also believes that your grandmother is just jealous of the person you have become. You are more mature and strong willed than she ever was, you have all your shit together and a good head on your shoulders. You have everything she ever wanted. You decide to be the bigger person and keep a positive attitude around her and pray for the next few months before you leave for college to fly by.

Every once in a while, you wonder what other people think of you. As you pass different people in the halls and look at them you notice they’re looking at you too. They’re judging you, but why? They don’t know your story. Who gave them the right to make an opinion about you? You think about it and you suppose that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you don’t understand this because you have a heart the size of Jupiter and don’t have the time of day to come up with opinions for others. You see the good in everyone. You occasionally cry because you saw that one kid getting bullied in class, or that one kid that wears the same thing every day, or that kid that seems to always be the negative topic of your classmates. You reach out to these kids, and you write letters to these kids. You do everything you can to let them know that you’re there for them. You do this because you know that if anyone had ever reached out to you in your time of need, it could’ve made a drastic difference in your life. You probably wouldn’t of ever had to visit three different crisis houses, and you probably wouldn’t of reached the lows of your lows. You want to change peoples lives, and you want to make a difference. No one may take notice of all the small acts of kindness you go about doing every day, but you know what you do. You know the smiles you’ve generated on others faces, and for you that’s enough.

You walk in the halls alone because you only have one best friend, and her schedule is completely different from yours. Go figure. When you get the opportunity, you walk and talk with teachers while in the halls. You enjoy talking to other adults because you like to brag about your plans in life. You know exactly what you want and when you want it, you know where you want to go to college, and you know that your goals are so ambitious, so you are going to have to do well. You shoot for the stars, and if you fail you know you will land on a cloud.

Walking through the halls of your high school, as a senior, thoughts race through your mind. You soon realize that all of the drama with boys, fake friends, crappy family, and crazy situations will soon diminish on their own. You’re going to college next year, and you’re going to do so much better than everyone else that ever doubted you. You’re going to become a kick ass FBI agent, and you’re going to have an amazing and healthy family some day. Everything that God put you through while you were here, only made you a bigger and better person because he has bigger and better plans for you in the future. You realize no matter how emotionally unstable you thought you were, you never faltered. You have had straight A’s ever since being given a letter grade was an option, and you are now on NHS and applying for colleges. You only have a few more months of walking through those hallways, so you decide to put your biggest smile on and walk with your head held high and your spirits higher; you do this because you know when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great.